Right now I feel as if life as I know it has been turned upside down and I’m flying through space and time without a net. There are some real changes happening in my life. Changes I have wanted but that are scary non the less. Some days I take flight and enjoy it but on other days, tears flow and my chest feels heavy with fear, doubt and worry. I almost expect to hit the ground with a big thud.
The good news right now though is that my departure date for Kwajalein has been set. I am leaving on May 19, which happens to also be my 43rd birthday. I’m thrilled and terrified. This is my first real travel adventure on my own. I’m confident I can handle it, proud to be doing so and a little disappointed that it took me 43 years to set off on my own. I just keep telling myself that at least I am learning who I am and realizing what I want. I am finally finding myself and living out a life that is true to me.
It’s not just Kwajalein that is turning my life upside down. There are so many changes occurring at the same time that it’s hard to grasp it all at once.
It all started with a phone call from my dear friend Jose informing me and my boyfriend, Al that he will be traveling for six months starting in July 2015 and he would love it if we could join him. Jose, by the way, has been my catalyst for change this year. I have found that desire alone is not always enough to get me moving forward. I need a carrot held in front of me. Jose’s invitation to travel became my carrot. I caught the travel bug and put a series of events in motion.
The desire to travel with pending dates, gave me the courage and determination to put in motion an internet based business. This business is designed so that I can manage it from anywhere in the world. Creating a business that allows me freedom of location has been a dream of mine and now I am taking steps to make this a reality. More details to come later about this one!
Meanwhile, Al has booked his ticket to Singapore on July 8. I encouraged him to go on this trip regardless of my situation. He has longed to write a book and we agreed that this trip will provide him some great material. Though I truly want him to go, it crushed me because I had to decline Jose’s invitation as my finances just aren’t supporting this trip.
Also, Al has decided to put his house (the one we are living in) up for rent starting in July. So if I am not gone traveling then I will need to find a place to live. Another catalyst.
And if that is not enough… I have to leave my beautiful dog, Sophia Maria, behind to go on these adventures and the stress of not knowing what exactly to do with her is multiplying.
But, just as everything seems to be too much to handle the Universe comes through and delivers a pretty darn good plan and here it is:
Kwajalein wants me there from May 19th to July 15th which is perfect timing to get on a flight to Singapore instead of a flight back to San Diego. I can meet Al and Jose and travel with them for six to eight weeks until I return to Kwajalein for another six weeks. After that, I could join Al and Jose back on the traveling road or take another, yet to be created, detour.
So just when I thought I might not see my very loved and cherished boyfriend for eight months things have just come into place very nicely. We get to have our adventures and we will meet up in great locations to reconnect.
Is it perfect? No. Is it a solution for all my concerns? Not yet but it’s a good start. I just keep throwing myself out there without a net. It’s scary and I’m afraid to fall and not find the net but I seem to be falling forward and not down. Maybe this is what having faith is all about. I believe that putting myself out there and following my dangling carrots will bring about the amazing life I want to live. I am determined to continue to do so regardless of being able to see the net or not and I hope to inspire you to do the same.